I Choose Love

Posts Tagged ‘Authentic Self’

Authentic Self and Observant Surrender

In My Inspirational Thoughts on November 4, 2011 at 8:10 pm

I’m often feeling pulled between being extremely proactive with trying to figure out and find my calling and allowing myself the space to let this calling naturally occur. When I push myself to ‘figure things out’ I criticize myself and doubt my purposes, I start feeling overwhelmed and anxious and then shut down but when I err on the passive side and opt to let things come organically I feel like I’m not being proactive enough. I’m perpetuating my own purgatory and unclear as to what the best steps are. I know I have so much to offer and so much to accomplish but am having trouble manifesting it, as if something is blocking me from within. I am not letting myself get close to what I am experiencing and express freely what I’m feeling towards immediate situations, nor do I act correctly on the intentions and values I have, thus I’m often being perceived for who I am not and attract into my life circumstances I didn’t wish for.

Practicing the middle way between being proactive and allowing myself the space to let things happen organically from the place of Authentic Self and Observant Surrender became easier when I started exercising Self-Acceptance and Self-Love, and moving through my life with high intentions and low attachments. So, I started co-creating things in my life that are in alignment with my own values and goals, but I would not let myself feeling attached to them. And my experience was – my sense of worth, success or happiness was nor longer tied to whether or not those things happen, I’m now becoming open to things manifesting in different forms than I may have expected. I stopped blaming, criticizing and judging myself.                            

I realized that I let things happen naturally while being attuned to my intuition, direct knowing and the signs I am getting from the Universe. I am taking aligned action steps toward accomplishing my goals and simply observing that the form I am taking steps towards are the best container for the essence I am seeking to express. One of my most favorite prayers to the Universe became, “Please support me in knowing what my next step is and recognizing it when you put it in front of me. And bless me with remembering that everything is happening in perfect divine timing.” I use the time when nothing is happening to manifest the right essence and align myself with the steps I need to take to make this happen, keeping in mind all the good things that would make me happy in my future.

I learned that often the times, when nothing much is happening in the outside world, are the most fertile for the development of my internal spirit and really is the secrete moments of aligning the essence of who I am with the bigger purpose of why I am here.

Alyonka

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Don’t Allow Your Heart To Close – Be Vulnerable

In My Inspirational Thoughts on January 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm
I think those women that are saying “I’m not interested in risking”, they are not interested in being vulnerable. And I can imagine that there are challenges in their relationships with men if they are not interested in being vulnerable because based on what I understand about men, men LOVE vulnerability in women, it is precious and endearing and intoxicating.
For some people it seems like a scary thing, but VULNERABLE IS THE LIGHT COMING IN. And the degree of being invulnerable is the degree of you not receiving light. May be you are protected but you are protected from everything. If you are walking in the room and there are two equally attracting women and one has an energy “I don’t wanna get burned again” and the other has the energy of “wow, this is a great world and I cannot wait to connect with people” guess who you are instantly, subconsciously are going after for?
Usually there is a certain amount of personal work that’s required at the end of a relationship to try to understand what your role in it is, what you’ve done and what you do and your patterns. Heading into a new relationship hoping that it’s going to fill all those holes in you, is just never going to satisfy you. One of the biggest lessons is looking within and looking at what’s yours and if you believe like I do YOU ARE creating your life experience, and you are fully responsible for what’s happening.

It was difficult for me to be vulnerable in any public way and it was just no way that I could pull it together, I couldn’t stay focused at work, I couldn’t be a listener, I couldn’t do any of the things that I’m supposed to be, but it was wonderful to have this transformation.

This kind of collapse brought me to my spiritual center and now I’m having a sense of who I am on a spiritual level which means I don’t have to pull out all the things that I thought I had to pull out to be worthy of, persona wise or ego wise. At this spiritual core, I am worthy, I am who I am, I mean there is such a simplicity there.

Alyonka