I Choose Love

Posts Tagged ‘Ego’

Don’t Allow Your Ego Control You In Conflict Situations

In My Inspirational Thoughts on January 22, 2011 at 5:57 pm
I believe that in a lot of relationships whether there is a woman or a man, people get attached to the idea who is right and every time there is some kind of tension, its about defending their rightness. And there is no bridge that you can ever find between the two of you if you hold on to the idea of rightness. The whole idea of rightness is your ego that is up and ready to fight.  And it is not you, it is this little scrappy survivor, that’s what the ego is and it wants to defend you, your mind and your thinking. Sometimes letting go of the ego feels like letting go of yourself, but who you are can not be threatened at this level if you can recognize that thought. If you can hear this thought in a middle of it, it is not you, IT’S YOUR EGO! Who you are as a spiritual being can not be threatened. So, the idea I’m trying to get you to is when you hold on to this rightness, all you are defending is your ego. The relationship and the connection does not thrive here. If I were to stick to the ego of me, I could get to this whole new place where its absolutely my right to defend what I do and what I say, I’m an “independent woman and I’m not doing anything wrong here”. And the truth is, your partner is feeling vulnerable, he is feeling threatened, he is feeling fear and its not gonna go away with your arguments.
The opposite of defending ego is surrendering to what is and there is so much space in this idea of surrendering to what is. It’s the opposite of arguing with what’s going on. What is, is how you feel about something and how I feel about something, it is the purest state that there is and arguing about how you feel is how we get ourselves dug a big deep hole that feels like misery, that feels like distance. Surrendering to what is, is a life time practice. The whole idea of surrendering in any moment is opening your heart, taking a deep breath and just truly recognizing what is going on right now – you are hurt, you are angry, I am hurt, I am angry or whatever it is and just being with it, without trying to force your way through it, without trying to blame someone.  I feel like you can almost fall through it to a new place but you’ll never get there pushing against it, by trying to avoid it. It’s like letting go, letting yourself fall, surrendering yourself to the truth of what is. Your grief, your anger, your disappointment, your fear – just be with it, on the other side of it is something else.

When you are mature enough, centered enough to say to someone without blame and without being a victim, I’m having a really tough time and this is how it makes me feel, and you don’t say anything else, you don’t ask them to do anything, you don’t tell them to do something and you don’t demand that you receive something, it’s amazing how ultimately people respond to that if you leave that space for them, it’s like an invitation, you say: “yes, you choose what you are going to do with that, and I choose to believe that the world is a good place”. And if you do that, if you leave space for another human being to choose what they want to do with that, especially when they love you and want to be in a relationship with you, you’ll get a nice response almost 98% of the time.

Surrendering is the opposite of attack, it is the opposite of blame, it is even the opposite of looking and trying to solve it, it’s just the purest statement of what is.

Alyonka

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